Scared Scar, Dense Senbon
by IanPhilippe
Summary: [GenRai] Genma feels that they are falling apart... and Raido is acting weird... can Kakashi help? not sure about rating...


**Scared Scar, Dense Senbon**

**Disclaimer:** I own tons of manga and anime… although they are just in my head sigh Naruto, Genma, Raido and even Kakashi-hentai all belong to Masashi Kishimoto…

**Warning:** This story contains Yaoi, which means male x male action. Don't like - don't bitch at me for being disgusting, idiotic etc.

**A/N:** I know I should be writing something else… but it just struck me not as an idea, but as a full story and it had to be written…Hope you'll like it.

Genma walked down the Konoha streets, chewing at his senbon violently and glaring at the innocent people who were brave enough to look at him questioningly - the Jounin was just acting strange today. He was never the type to laugh openly in the public, but neither was he the grumpy moron and he looked way too sulky today.

Genma strode towards the Academy where he hoped he would find one certain perverted Jounin. He needed a friend, now more than ever before, as he felt the three of them were falling apart. He had known Raido for all his life; they went to the Academy together, they were in a Genin team together and later, they had been working together for years. He had also known Kakashi for quite some time and the three of them became friends, come life, come death.

But now, Genma felt something was amiss. Since Raido had become Hokage's bodyguard and Kakashi had started his teaching career, they were seeing each other less and less frequently. Just an hour ago, Genma had met with Raido for the first time in a month and his suspicion was only confirmed.

It was about half a year ago, when he became aware of the fact that they were not as close now as they had been before. Genma, despite his unapproachable appearance, was always the one to recognize his friends' feelings and thoughts and it hurt him deeply when he started to realize that Raido was hiding something from him. Genma was not a nosy person, but he could see Raido was hurting and he felt terribly helpless for not being able to help him. Their meetings became less frequent, as if Raido was avoiding him, and Genma often felt lonely. Kakashi had Iruka and they were like newlyweds, each of them experiencing the true love for the first time, so it was not surprising that Kakashi would like to spend time with his lover whenever he could. In fact, they invited Genma and Raido to eat with them, but Raido had never accepted the offer and although Genma did eat with the couple a few times, he felt like a fifth wheel.

Genma missed their long evenings and even longer talks about everything and nothing, when they were able to laugh so long their stomachs hurt, when they could say anything that worried them and the other would stay quiet and listen, or offer a piece of advice, depending on what was needed. He could put up with Kakashi not being with them, because he knew the white-haired Jounin was happy with Iruka now. But seeing Raido so stressed over something Genma didn't know and being unable to see him smile again… that, Genma couldn't bear. He tried to convince himself that Raido was just weary from work, but after some time it became obvious that the scarred Jounin was avoiding him.

Even just now, he had met Raido after being without his friend for so long, and the other man had shown no sign of being pleased with their meeting. He didn't look Genma in the face and Genma felt the distance between them, as he clearly saw Raido's efforts to end their small talk about how things have been lately and get away from Genma as soon as possible.

And there was that one sentence Genma didn't understand… didn't want to understand, as it would mean his suspicions were correct. He didn't want to part with Raido and he couldn't see any reasonable argument, why would Raido want to end their friendship. He wasn't even aware of anything that could make Raido angry with him…

And the only person who could see through Raido's mask when Genma couldn't was Sharingan Kakashi.

Genma walked through one of Konoha forests, hoping to find his friend soon. His thoughts led him to nowhere and he needed someone with reasonable mind… well, maybe Kakashi wasn't the _best_ choice, but he was the only one Genma could ask. Suddenly his instincts forced him to dodge and avoid a Shuriken which flew past his ear and got stuck in a tree behind him. Genma looked at the person who had thrown it. It was a girl, pink-haired one with big green eyes filled with shock and small hands that covered her mouth. Genma could tell she was pretty much scared of him. And that she was one of Kakashi's students.

"Hey, where's your sensei?" he barked out at her and that instant she looked even more stressed.

"I… I'm sorry, I haven't done it on purpose," she stuttered and Genma rolled his eyes.

"Do you think I will be hurt by a mere Genin's Shuriken?"

The colour of her face matched her dress as she glared at him. Genma almost smirked, but then he saw a familiar glimpse of the orange book nearby and left the girl to her little training.

Kakashi was reading his book as always, looking completely unconcerned by a fight that was taking place just a few meters from him. He dodged a Shuriken just as Genma did a minute ago and continued reading, nevermind the fact that his two students were apparently trying to kill each other.

"Hey," Genma said and watched Kakashi's one visible eye. He looked quite amused, as far as Genma could tell.

"Hey… what brings you here?"

Genma looked at the fighting duo once more and threw Kakashi a hesitant look:

"Do you have a minute?"

"Even an hour," Kakashi smiled – or at least his eye turned to an upside-down U.

"Are you sure…?"

They both dodged a flying shoe.

"Not enough strength and tools to really kill each other," Kakashi explained cheeringly, then shrugged and started to walk towards the town, followed by Genma lost in thoughts about who the hell could appoint that maniac Kakashi to the position of a teacher responsible for lives of children.

Soon enough they reached a tavern, their favourite one for a couple of years. Seated in the corner, they talked about nothing for a while. It seemed like "good old times" to Genma and he was no longer sure if he wanted Kakashi to know about his insecurities. Genma was never the one to push his worries at others and ruining their happiness with his own problems.

But they weren't friends for nothing – Kakashi knew him all too well.

"And now, what is it that bugs you?"

Genma saw the concern in that black eye and sighed.

"Do you like me, Kakashi?"

"Eeh?! Well, I'm sorry, but I have Ruka now and…"

"Shut up… I didn't mean it that way," Genma sighed one more time and stared at his half-empty glass. "I meant… do you still see me as a friend? Can you still trust me?"

Kakashi crossed his arms over his chest and Genma could tell he's grinning.

"If I can't trust you, then I don't know whom I can. What the hell have you done that you need to ask me?"

"That's the matter… I don't know what I've done."

"Something happened with Raido?"

Genma's eyes shot up to meet the black one, staring at him curiously.

"How do you know? Did he…"

"No, he hasn't told me a thing," Kakashi waved his hand dismissively and Genma felt somehow disappointed. He had hoped that Kakashi would know and would tell him what was wrong. "It's just that your face has that special expression, when you are worried about him. And you're never so stressed over anything except Raido. What happened?"

"I really don't know… do you sometimes feel that we are falling apart? I mean you, me and Raido."

Kakashi nodded and smiled slightly.

"It can't be helped… he is Hokage's bodyguard now, I'm a teacher and you're out on a mission most of the time. We don't have time to be together."

"I know. But still… it's not that we just don't have time. I could put up with that. But I feel he's changed during last months and I don't know why. He won't talk to me and when we meet, he has this look of a rabbit cornered by a fox. As if I've hurt him somehow… but I don't remember anything that could have done him wrong."

Genma ran his long fingers through a brown mess that was his hair and shifted his gaze back to the glass.

"I don't know what to do anymore, Kakashi… I don't want to lose him, I've known him for a lifetime and he's dearer to me than anyone."

"Have you told him that?"

Kakashi's question forced Genma to look at his friend again. In the chocolate eyes, there was an awkward mix of anxiety and helplessness.

"I've tried. But he won't talk to me… not after today. I'm so scared that I've lost him… and the worst thing is that I don't know why."

"Wait, wait… what do you mean "not after today?" What happened?"

Another heavy sigh that felt like it came from Genma's very soul.

"I tried to confront him about the fact he hasn't talked to me in a few months. And he told me that he didn't want my friendship anymore. That he could never again regard me as a friend. You can imagine my shock when he said that… Do you know any reason, Kakashi? Anything… Have I ever hurt him?"

Kakashi watched his friend's hands trembling, as he vainly tried to regain his composure. A senbon between his slightly parted lips was shaking too, as he bit at it more violently than ever before. He wanted to help Genma, but he wasn't sure he should. He knew Raido's reasons all too well as the other man confided in Kakashi too… but was it right to tell Genma about it? On the other hand, Kakashi really couldn't believe that Genma hadn't figured it out by himself. How could the person in front of him, someone who was damn too cunning and clever, could be that dense about his own life?

Eventually, when he was done considering pros and cons of telling Genma (and add his own nature, that was anything but good-willed), Kakashi decided to smirk and tell the truth. After all, Genma _was_ the one concerned. And seeing his usually brisk eyes staring unfocused at the table was depressing enough to convince Kakashi to break the promise to Raido about not telling anything.

"Kakashi, if you know something, please, tell me…"

"Shiranui Genma, I wonder if you're really a blind blockhead, or you just pretend to be one."

"Wha…"

"Raido is head over heels in love with you, you moron," Kakashi smiled at his friend and watched his reaction.

Firstly, a loud clink of a senbon falling to the floor broke the silence that emerged between them.

Then Genma managed to look dumbfounded, surprised and shocked. He stared at Kakashi in disbelief, looking as if he was unable to comprehend what was announced to him.

"You… joking?" he muttered weakly, biting his lips as his senbon was now under the table.

Kakashi's head turned from left to right and back again.

"Are you sure?"

Desperate tone in Genma's voice made Kakashi frown. Was he wrong? Was _this_ Raido's reason for not telling Genma? What was he supposed to do, if he had just destroyed what slightest chance had Raido ever had? No, it couldn't be… as far as Kakashi knew, Genma was never a homophobe, he had never discriminated anyone, be it according to his or her age, sex, appearance or sexual preferences.

But those people were not his best friends. It had never concerned him in a way it did now… and Kakashi started to feel that fear about which Genma was talking. The fear of losing his friends… just because he couldn't keep his mouth shut.

And then, Genma recovered from his shock – at least to the point he was able to stand up and run away with speed Kakashi had never seen before.

The white-haired Jounin sighed, paid for their drinks and on his way home he prayed to all gods he could imagine for Genma to at least understand.

Raido didn't want to see anyone. He got home about an hour ago, almost drowned himself in a shower (unfortunately, just _almost_), boiled water for the instant ramen and then decided he wasn't hungry.

Now he was lying on a couch, trying to write a report for work he was supposed to hand in tomorrow and he couldn't focus on anything except the memory of Genma's eyes, when he had told him he didn't want to be friends anymore.

Raido sighed and threw across the room the first thing that had the bad luck to be nearby. The poor pencil met with a wall with a small 'crack' and fell to the ground. Raido watched, unfocused, as he ran fingers through his hair and let out another sigh.

Genma obviously didn't get it… _or just pretended not to_, Raido frowned. Genma was clever enough to understand his well-hidden questions and signals. There was just no way that smart, observing man wouldn't understand his hesitant looks, the blush that he felt on his cheeks as soon as Genma was near him, his hands slightly trembling like those of a naïve schoolgirl. Raido hated himself for feeling that way towards a friend and not being able to control it… he didn't even know when it had started.

_But today it ends,_ he smiled sourly and leaned backwards, his eyes automatically gazing at the ceiling.

When a loud bang on the door echoed over the quiet apartment, Raido just wanted the person to die. Or better, to leave and let _him_ die.

When the person announced himself with an annoyed yell and another bang, Raido blushed and wanted to die that instant, so he wouldn't have to face Genma again.

"Raido, open up, damn!"

As soon as Raido remembered that he had forgotten to lock the door, the other person tried the doorknob and in another second, there was Genma, standing in front of him as if nothing happened, slightly panting, as if he had been running, and staring at him with something unidentifiable in his eyes.

And asking a question Raido thought he would never hear from him.

"Do you love me?"

Raido's jaw dropped and for a moment he was unable to even breathe. Then, his lips curved in a sour smile:

"Are you drunk?"

"I'm perfectly sober," an answer came, sounding irritated and insecure.

"So you're just lacking tact as usual."

Raido tore his gaze away from the other man who looked so damn provocative with his hair messed up and his lips free from his senbon… he banned himself from thinking about the thing he would love to do to those lips, and went to the kitchen, hoping that Genma would just go away.

"So… do you love me?"

Genma, in spite of all Raido's prayers, didn't go away. One reason could be that the prayers weren't so sincere… one little scared part of Raido's mind wanted him to stay, to never leave and to say those words again and again, with the same look of insecurity and… could it be hope, that shined in the chocolate depths of Genma's eyes?

"So you finally figured it out?" Raido said and opened the fridge, looking at those few pieces of food that laid there for god knows how long. He just didn't feel brave enough to look Genma straight in the face.

"Well… something like that."

"So it was Kakashi who told you, wasn't it?"

Raido turned around and looked at Genma finally. They were once friends… maybe he could get it over in few seconds and then he can sleep and hope for death to come, as he had been doing until Genma showed up.

The other man looked nervous and restless… maybe it was just that he missed his senbon. Or maybe not? Raido sighed. There were times when he could fully understand what Genma thought and felt, so why now he found himself staring at the other man and asking himself what it was that he wanted so much? What it was that _Genma_ wanted now?

"Look… if you came here just to tell me there's no way for us to be together… I know that already, ok?" Raido sighed and walked past Genma back to the living room. Somehow high-pitched voice of the other man followed him.

"Why?"

"Why what?"

"Why have you never told me anything?" demanding tone in Genma's voice became quite irritating to Raido.

"What for? So you could look at me just as you do now? When I realized you didn't want me to be anything but friend, it was quite hard, you know..."

"Wait… wasn't it you who was always perfectly straight, hanging out with all those women?"

Raido's heart began to hurt. Genma was right – he _did_ hang out with lots of different women… he was young and wild then, he wanted to enjoy life to its fullest because he didn't know if he would survive tomorrow… and then, he wanted to find at least one woman that would help him get rid of this feelings he had for his best friend. Men were out of the question for Raido, men other than Genma. He couldn't even imagine being with a man he didn't love… though he himself knew it was stupid that he could do it with women, but not men. It somehow didn't feel like he was betraying Genma, when it was a woman.

"Yeah, I admit it… but it was no good. I slowly began to realize I didn't love a single one out of many I've had… there was no one I could laugh with, I could trust and tell her everything. And I've never tried it with a man, never even imagined being with a man… other than you."

Last words were spoken so quietly that Genma almost didn't catch them. He took few steps towards the couch where Raido sat, head lowered in his hands, staring to nowhere and looking terribly out of it.

"I've always thought you would kick my ass if I ever told you," Raido whispered, as he felt the presence of the other man slowly drawing near.

"I've thought the same," Genma laughed tenderly and Raido looked at him questioningly.

"What do you mean?"

"Uh… there was a time, when…" Genma slightly blushed, "when I felt that I'm falling for you. Every simple look you gave me, every smile and hug… I wanted them to have another meaning, and I started to see that meaning in your every move… I thought that maybe it wasn't just me, but then you started chasing after women again, and I learned to shut out those feelings. Maybe that was the reason why I didn't understand until now… I was afraid to understand."

Raido felt his heart pounding like crazy, when he reached and his fingers touched Genma's hand. Slowly, he looked up to meet those hesitant chocolate eyes and smiled.

"We are both idiots, aren't we…" Genma returned that understanding smile and gently squeezed the fingers caressing his hand. "I love you, Namiashi Raido."

"I love you too, Gen," Raido breathed heavily and stood up from the couch. His free hand reached to Genma's waist shyly, asking for permission, which he was given when Genma leaned to his embrace. Raido could feel his smile against his own naked skin and he was so happy he could die that instant with no regrets. No, wait… there was a thing he hadn't done yet…

"Gen…"

"Hnn?" warm breath caressed his chest, so close to his heart Raido could almost feel that frozen piece of his soul melt and heat up.

"Can I… kiss you?"

Genma looked at him and smiled again. He was so stunningly beautiful that Raido's breath caught in his throat and he felt the familiar heat rising to his cheeks again. He leaned forward and pressed his lips to Genma's, softly, curiously and gently. For a second he was afraid that Genma would pull away, but he didn't and the response of his mouth followed soon after. He gently bit at Raido's lower lip and licked the bruised flesh. He loved the feeling of Raido's tongue teasing his; he loved that strong hand around his waist and the other holding his own hand. He loved Raido; now he remembered the feeling, those tiny snowflakes in his stomach turning into a warm storm, when their kiss became more heated… he remembered.

He loved Raido. And Raido loved him… that was more than he had ever hoped to have.

"We should thank Kakashi that he's such a gossip," Raido grinned and hugged Genma tightly.

"Yeah. Because you were too scared to confess."

"And you were too dense to realize it without words."

Genma laughed and Raido knew he had never before met someone whom he could love as much as he would love Genma from now on.

Then, the scared scar and dense senbon started to live together.

10


End file.
